In the Bedroom after the War
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March 6, 2008
the deeper meaning Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 2:51 AM i just finished typing a long report to psts and i enjoyed it totally. it was great having to complete one section and embarking on another topic. you know that satisfaction you get... you cannot but scroll up and down your report to admire it's structure and wealth of information! i know you have that. i do too and i absolutely love scrolling up and down. also just to make sure the important things are at the right place, highlighted, not missing out any other details. there's a joy after you type your report. good bad whatever the content it is fun. sometimes you type quick precise reports. sometimes you need verbal diarrhoea. today was the latter. i had this wonderful meeting with Pastor Lia today. it did something to me. i am very sure it did. it had no reason whatsoever to have done anything to me. it was a practical teaching session. but it filled something in my heart. now it looks all good... been in this for so long, doing the routine and missed out on the sweetness of life. i did see it but i didn't saw it coming so quickly. the understanding of deeper principles i had but it caught me by surprise today in Pastor's sharing. It good to feel this way, it shows i'm still real. Muahaha Not some machine. argh... been to MRI scan today laid there for 20mins for everything to be done. tomorrow meeting my doctor for the analysis. it determines my downgrade or not and i'm seriously quite nervious and anxious. see, i cannot not get 8 to 5pm because i have a calling on my life. see i cannot go up the rank in army even if they path the way for me to because i have a calling on my life. there's so many things i want to do but i can't because of God's calling on my life. you may want to get that position in some commitee in school but you have a calling on your life. you may want to get together with this guy or girl but hey stop, you have a calling on your life. this is such a beautiful thing to me. i'm waiting and even thinking about post army and studies now, when i'm free and i can dive right into the center of my calling. there's so many things you want and i want. we're not dumb to give up what we have so tangibly brought us happiness for some intangible destiny we haven't had an idea about. you somehow need a confirmation, a sign and that's all good. i don't know how to put it. but i'm privileged. hey, i have a calling on my life. you guys too. that's God's calling. And i will never allow myself to fall short of that calling. whatever it takes for me to walk into that, i will. I JUST CANNOT NOT HAVE 8 TO 5PM. Even if it fails tomorrow, i will get an 8 to 5pm. i'm not called to be some officer in there. i'm not called to stay in to experience those stuff. it's plain simple, i need to get out. And it's pure God stuff. therefore i will focus, i will pray, i will break my heart, i will gird my loins, i will keep my probity because i have a calling in life. you have a calling in life. that's the deeper meaning. you sort this out yourself because only you can. it drives you forward, keeps you on the age... be tough on yourself, to ourselves a heart of steel. oh... who would i be without my pastors. the opportunities in life that i'll never have. the scenes of movie life i'll never comprehend. i came in as a stupid little idiota boy tanned short and very charming :p couldn't communicate at all the most fragile person i met in my life i was sporting though and my pastors were like the scouts that saw a blooming talent. raw but blooming. too predictable too explosive. thank you for harness that sportsman into a sportsman. now i run life's marathon with a flame in my eyes! to think that in the past, the glory in my eyes. only you know the fire turned into ashes. and the straining climax of pain. i don't know who i'll become today yes without God but without Pastors i guess there weren't alot of things you can be proud of in me. what did you see about me? just perhaps a guy waiting to bet his life on a form of conviction and purpose... that's all i really had and am worth i was nothing... thank you Pastor Lia and Pastor How. it's been 7 going 8 years and i remember every thing you did for me. sending me to the army will tear me up. but i know i have a place i call Home in both of you (: you taught me how to speak how to think how i shouldn't wear trousers, long sleeves with sports shoes! hahhs how as i grow older i got to cover up my legs you taught me how to love; the abcs in life. you taught me integrity and you crafted my essence. you showed me what a great family is you showed me what a dad i should be what a husband i have to be you also showed me how to charm the wife to bes how to match heart to keys in 20 years time i'm gonna look back and i remember clearly that a couple who had no reason whatsoever to love this malay looking guy loved him and saw him grow up. what would it be like Pastors, when then i have a family and i hear and see my kids serve you, that people i serve in my life? (: i can't wait for that day hahhs... hahhs... don't throw away your calling.
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