In the Bedroom after the War
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December 29, 2007
wonder january Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 1:09 AM argh... i can't wait for school to end. but first i have to get school start for 1 more month. next week i have to clear my ce points. basically do my contribution to the school if not i need to retain. my goodness. few points behind... i pray the school has all the activities for me to join to SHOW MY CONTRIBUTION. CRAP... wonder january. after that, i'm done... then we'll talk about the next in line - army God loves men in green. i know December 23, 2007 my not so guilty pleasure Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 2:27 AM i've never really been a fan of jay zhou but i'd to admit he's talented. he's our new age taiwanese star.. and i kind of like the new age. so i just had to listen to him and also know some stuff about him... but honestly to me, indie still tops, you need babyshambles, you need cobra starship, a little decemberist is also okay! perhaps i'll never like chinese music... perhaps i will. we'll see, but i earnestly say i DON'T want to. muahaa.... see, once i listen to cobra starship, i get hooked. They get under your skin man. Christmas and the end of the year is always a time of reflection. Looking back, so many things happened, so so so so many... i don't even remember to list them down. It has just been a great 1 year, pretty fast zoomed by but it was the way it was supposed to be - accelerate. from 07 to 08, just 1 second apart. i think the difference between this 2 years can be so concrete yet so slippery. It going to be a big difference but yet intangible little changes before that. just say what i know, and what i don't know i'm to find out my zone my responsibility... my life my responsibility... as desiring to be a bishop, though it is a good desire there's more to it like what the bible says, i have to be blameless. So, i have to take up more ownership and responsibility for my zone, my life, my character and my integrity. The difference we want to see between 07 and 08 will perhaps lie in this. The difference we want to see in the world is the difference we need to be. 08, it's going to be so cool, gonna start living the difference i want to see. live it, breathe it, think it and be it. we're the difference maker, understatement. we are the difference. Big difference but the bigger things get, the more slippery and ungraspable the decisions, judgement, concept, principle. Let the team look back and see that they were the difference they wanted to see. not just difference makers but the difference.
December 21, 2007 money making is so 70s Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 1:40 AM just got home for ggma's wake. it was terrible because we had sad happy masked people walking around restless. it was quite bad all till the end. you see, we tried making practical resolutions but the funny thing is that they double guess us all the time. but yeah, it was still funny seeing them do what they did. It was lovely, it was irritating but it was definitely beautiful. at the end of the day, it remains a wake and let's keep some sweetness at the wake. okay... it was the first time i sat down speaking with my first uncle. it was cool to understand what a 57 yr old, accomplished man, condo, cars had to say about life. we talked about life, about church, about making money. i got some lessons on how to run a successful business and how to keep things from the wife. the latter is total crap. at the end of the day, it remains a 57 yr old's heartfelt therapeutic emotional release. then... it was the first time i met my childhood buddy in years. man, this guy is grown up. lost at cuteness man, but i guess that's us. listen to this, he enlisted in march and now is december, stupid monkey actually beat up his sergeant and went to the detention barracks for 1 month. crude cruel man... As he described it to be, it felt like it was glam show beating his sergeant up for sprouting vulgarities at him, offended his fillial pride ah... sergeant cursed the parents! sigh... But at the end of the day, it remains another messed up life, looking for some form of satisfaction in current time. Well, it was actually quite an experience for me today. GGma is actually quite a chick. She's so popular she got on the newspaper. There were loads and loads of people present. I saw a group of gangsters like 2 connect group big, quite fierce but purposeless. Though rich and smart, but purposeless. Think our childhood gangster is just a fantasy. Real gangsters are rich and brilliant. But at the end of the day, it remains another routine wake they attend, dying in the routine of purposelessness. lots more happen... seeing my cousins, seeing the rituals, seeing everything, all of the sudden, i was arrested by a new perspective in life. Some people ain't gonna listen, so you'd to show them how you live your life. by that time, they will look back and cheer but then it'll just be in time only for their grandchildren. wahahaha... so really, from our generation onwards it's going to be different because we are in power. man's pride will be their downfall like what my big book says. and i say this in all serenity and understanding. Sometimes it's really just about me. what is dishonor to them is honor in my eyes. All many of us can say now in our family is 'wait'. We can only shape the generation after us. Now, only God shapes, our life has to speak in the midst of the politic mind. this is all i really have to say. God is good, that he saved a wretched like me :) now i'll never be like them. December 1, 2007 time for a drink then do whatever i have to do Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 12:52 AM i've had such a week! I hope you did as well... If you haven't, i pray this coming week you walk into something amazing. End of school term has always been one thing that we all look forward to. Personally, i cannot wait for it to happen, but sadly, i don't enjoy a year end school term break like many of the people out there. Polytechnic is shrewd, kind of like mess things up for you when it comes into the general flow of things. When everyone is having holidays, crap... here i am attending lessons and having tests! Errrrr....... Well, looking on the bright side, 2 more weeks and i have 2 weeks of break from school. So that's one thing i'm looking forward to. Phew... this period of time has been such rush. School is coming to a close but it still feels quite far away. Church is gearing up for the busy end of year. Here i am and i feel so caught in the middle!!! This is my one frustration! Crap man.... i had being restricted, i kind of have a strong feeling you too. Muahaha... This time has been lots of books and music for me. Oh wait, speaking about music, i need fresh grind. I am creeping under the old ones already! Pls coincidental brilliance, reveal to me great, drug stuff. :) Books are just so cool, Facedown (Matt Redman) is one book that you need to you. I just learnt so much about worship during my travellings. Never saw things those ways, never thought things occur those ways. It's quite a refreshing book. YOU MUST READ IT! In a long while, i haven't had a book that enticed me to my core. This is so addictive... Oh lastly, i have to say this... recently i was just thinking about emo people. I don't know what you call it so emo people it is, sounds okay to me. If i have one thing i want to live my life and testify about, it'll be that emotion's a gift. Somehow, when people mention the word emo, there's a bad connotation. Yucks, pls don't, there's no shame being emo. It's the chosen consequences that is bad bad bad. I think i'm born with a lot more emotions. God created me this way :) The first step, i believe so strongly for an artistic person to grow into a strong strong man or woman of God is to have the security to say,"hey, yes! i'm born with more emotions than other people!" Look, i rather be someone with emotions and learn systems than being a straight, boxed person struggling to articulate my feelings. In the end, the latter goes insane. hahahahaha Systems can be learnt... well, emotions.... sometimes you feel what people feel, sometimes you just don't. Sometimes you can identify, sometimes you can't. It's yes or no, goal or no goal. Take step 1 today... it's all down to security. :) Out of nothing, i came and God's right, i made it each time. For every failed attempt to fly, now i maneuver that bit higher. So i think we can all dry up our eyes, because this shall be the first and last time you try to be somebody you're not :) All you really need is a rope to keep you in line and a little bit of godly defiance to live your life with a good pride. Not to miss out, eliminating noises in your heart and mind. Imagine how full of crap it will be if you feel so low about yourself because of something God gave you intending to make you successful with? B Zone 114! We brokethrough again! F Zone too man! F2 as always! :p Don't emo life away, just accept that emotions are your strength than you pretty much get the whole picture. Controlled, it's going to be a powerful tool.
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