In the Bedroom after the War
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February 18, 2008
T3 20 to 30 Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 1:50 AM alright, i'd been in church all week and right now i'm the next 1 second to knocking off. i feel so satisfied doing what i did this entire week and i'm truly happy, i think i can knock out in peace (: though i had been in church all week, services however were never quite the same compared to the weekdays in church. oopps, my itunes just played jay chou, let me switch it away (: to joe pringle! back to what i was saying... yesterday we had a great service and pastor preached about love expressingly and surprisingly. it's amazing the way he says it all. i'm so proud to be pastored by this man! today we had zone f service and for the first in quite some time now, i was doing the thing. it was quite fun, i had to get back into the momentum of things and at first it was rusty, it was cranky but then after a while i was swimming fine we had a great great service and the anointing and presence of God was just RIGHT there! we have so many things installed for zone f. i was talking to dominic and we just settling alot of the zone f stuff and it's really quite exciting discussing and settling everything. tomorrow i'll be @ T3 just settling and putting everything down with the man - Dominic. b zone was at T3 today and i tell you we had fun! all of us devoured popeye's chicken as if we were refugees who haven't ate for a long time. it was also so good to see so many old faces back with us and i absolutely loved being there with the people. afterwards we headed to this really cool bowl-water-whatever-you-call-it thing. we tried dumping people in... we started with boxue... we went on to nicholas tan, kenn lam, yeah they joined us... we attempted kinonn and we almost soaked leonard's head into the thing. screams and laughters were not surprising, we attracted quite a crowd... they stared and i thought they'd wonder why we were enjoying ourselves so much (: well, because we're b zone and it's just fun being b zone. we talked, we ate and we founded a new sisterhood. Nelson Leong is officially a sister. and this thing is quite cosmopolitan... it's complicated, funny and quite lame but cool. bing rong has a new name that i gave him... he'll soon be in the sisterhood after popularity! give it up for RONG RONG (: yeah so they're cool. there's so so so much more that i can tell you. you know i'm excited and i am. i cannot sleep a night not thinking about them these days... i think it pays to be focussed. not listless, there and there when i'm there. come on, i'm just a 19 year old and what do you expect of me? i very much have your thoughts and your worries... i think i think about stuff you think about and whatever bothers you kind of will bother me i suppose? but then i've learnt, to compartmentalize thoughts. chuck some of them aside for storage for a time... chuck some off the shelves for a while... examine some now... take the next group up and fever the emotions attached to it and then make decisions. i think it is easy... it can be fulfilled. i'm not naturally a very focussed person... i'm like me.. look at me... hahhs can't focus as a kid... crap, short attention span... not even aware of the slightest things around me. so yeah, if i have hope, you too man... i'm sure i am worse! and really! being focus also means to be very real. i can't possibly tell you how much i hate this unreal thing about people. what i see must be what i get.. you tell me and you tell me.. not tell someone to tell me. kind of like a false impression or a find out 2 perspective when you do this sort of thing. it's really quite irritating... the most funny thing is that when people wrap themselves up in this focus cocoon, they seem to shy away from things... they seem to seem alot and very very complicated and dark. It's like 'i'm in control... and i know what you're thinking...' what is this? some sort of universal consciousness thing? hahhs haiya... i think focus is excitement. focus is honesty. focus is opening up your mouth and saying how you feel. when you do all these, nothing stands in the way that will potentially rob your focus. i keep my focus through accountability and transparency. i keep my focus chucking things aside too. i keep my focus by engaging everything around me. i've seen Pastors and Charleston do it and i'm amazed back then and even now when i'm like that, i'm still amazed... i know a thousand confirmations that some people here are focussed because they're really excited and happy. As a matter of fact, sinfei has like thing after thing to do hahhs! and it seems like it never ends but then she's happy, and that makes her look forward to the next and the next and the next. focus is joy. the joy of the Lord is my strength. focus is my strength. i feel stronger when i'm focussed. that's it... a thousand moments i feel like doing many things i feel like doing. but we can put it off for a while you know :p next week is going to be such a week! the calendar is out and we're all excited... meetings, outings, this and that... new stuff we're trying! hahhs! next week, we'll look forward to the week after, and the week after. it's too precious to lose that's why we're planning it so early and tightly! it's going to be fun especially with all of you doing it together. just one more thing. it's ironic, i can't wait for army... not that i want to go off but i can't wait and help to imagine what we'll be like by then! muahahah! it's going to be amazing (: so much stronger, so much healthier, so much spiritual... as i take this few months to build and have fun! it's also a count down to army! oh man, i'm one depressed soul! just kidding. (: they say it's normal... they say it's what we have to go through. we'll become real man! hahhs... i don't quite understand you know? i just know now, that i'll go do my time, tough or not, just do my time... whether i fall into the real man category or not.... at the end of army, i earn the right to say... "HEY RECRUIT! IT'S NORMAL! IT MAKES YOU A REAL MAN!" Muahahahaha.... funny ain't it. i think it's because it's all designed to make you understand and appreciate life alittle more. no doubt i will and i have no where to run. we'll think about army and medical sometime later... i'll take it off the shelves soon! crap, i'm scared of this doctor, check up set up man... it scares me freaky. check pulse, do scans... wah... phobia ha... we'll see i'll be looking for you in church with some kind of army experience real soon huh... muahahaha! we men in green to be or already is, i think you identify with this feeling! it's the worst i've felt in 19 years. again... we'll see!!!
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