In the Bedroom after the War
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February 27, 2008
Yes I'm doing Doing Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 11:33 PM i've had my hands over my keyboard. i've turned up the music. my legs are tapping away. the bass tingling over my chest and thumping and thumping. i had ANOTHER great day. tonight was crazy because i haven't been talking so much to people on msn for a long time. it was huge and massive the conversations flying all over my screen. i'm so happy to hear good news from candy & nadine as well as catching up with loads of people around hahhs i can't help it i can picture their faces at the back of my eyes i'm addicted to what i do and i love it dearly i just picked up my guitar after leaving it alone for quite some time and when it felt good playing away, i thought i better go practice my strokes on my pads i went to st nicholas' girls school today! Muahahaha it was estatic trying my best not to be caught. but after a while, i couldn't care less because everyone saw me and left me to do what i did. i think it must have been the spectacles. haiya... they took too fast to judge the bad guy over here. both security guards smiled at me and greeted me you know??? what am i? the vice principal? hahhs but well, can you imagine if i'm vice principal??? u can't but i can. and i so will love. It will really be ST NIC-CHO-LAS'. Hahhahaha if you get it get it. if you don't nvm (: OKAY OKAY revival revival i mean... really and we had quite a journey today finding lulu and tianque. muahahaha! we'll try again (: we met kenny who can't stop looking at nadine. haiz... nadine how? we also met sinfei's friend who looks like mong. crap! sinfei must take a photo of her friend man (: today we'll go back to ktv! hahhs we walked pass one today and we decided we should pop by some time soon (: okay this is the season to keep doing and doing and doing and doing doing. yup doing doing. I'm really quite irritated! Wah.... monkey's trying to restrict Gong Fei Dine. Oh man... my chinese all come out already!!! WAH PIANG EH!!!!! NI YAO ZHUO MO!!! SIAM LAR NI!!! well, you are your own nemesis you'll fool yourself (: watch hard monkey... it's going to be 300 soon you or someone better i could care less Oops.. i think the music got into me guys. sorry, i shouldn't have you know. i as a leader cannot be too challenging you know. :( i'm so sorry! my apologies! and please forgive me! AH CRAP. BALIK KAMPONG LA! what an impression (: i'm about to scream shhhh be quiet. watch we're doing doing doing. February 26, 2008 in and out quick Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 10:33 PM giddy is the last word i will fancy at this hour in the night. happy nonetheless and the giddiness starts to fade away (: i think i'll have an early night. have you like did something and do it for so long you are hooked? it becomes a drug... an entity i'm falling in love with what i used to love all over again that cg leading, that talking to people, that laughing and that loving thing phew... i'm seriously about to crash into the bed next to me but i have one more exciting thing to complete before i go... in the mean time while waiting, i thought i could blog. and i just came back from the call. i look at my post and i really just want to sleep now (: goodnight everybody i feel like a paper boat going down the stream i love my life
whatever you decree Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 3:25 AM   it's 331am and i'm just about going to bed.i had spoken to so many people today and i was exciting hearing what they had to say. today was quite cool for me (: i slept, i woke up and got my week's plan up i met some ppl near home and i got ceo aka calvin lee coming over to my place to chill he was here for quite some time and we had fun after that i was quite doing my own stuff had a few conferences and a few more stuff to do. i tell you, i'm excited. how can i not love my life? it's just hot rocking. a moment, i'm with people doing swings and getting myself nauseous a moment later i'm building the house of God (: it's such a privilege and i totally enjoy it. Loving God is rather simple (: Being in hoGc is rather simple too (: Hahhs! Whatever your imaginations and thoughts decree... Be it right or wrong Be it whatever you want to call what you want to call... I think that everything's quite simple and clear. Just Love God (: Hahhs! I hope you guys are doing okay... Hahhs i had a conference with sinfei and nadine and we had more nettlesome stupid problems. we're so sad! hahhs (: kidding but yeah, they are simply amazing. Nadine had something happening to her... It's amazing ask her.. it's a knowledge and revelation of God's love. And i guess she felt it. Hahhs i think they absolutely feel so irritated with IJ and VJ! Muahahah Maybe Maybe Not. But they yearn funny!!! Keep going (: Joanne is back to blogging. Wei Ling told Jm she wasted some precious time today! Hahhs it's really funny... Cheryl had some cool stuff going for her as well. Woah... how is it that my christian walk isn't exciting (: yours is... mine is and we determine it. BS this friday and saturday! Woo, i'm looking forward to it (: again, reporters and novelist can turn midnight into sunshine with whatever their thoughts decree. we're quite the same you know (: February 24, 2008 South East Pacific Sleepless Sundays Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 11:45 PM sup guys and i hope you had a good weekend. (: naturally i'll go on to say that i did actually have a good weekend myself... so i'm saying, i actually did just live one totally satisfied and fulfilled. i'm loving every sort of hideous problem and trouble being thrown right at me i think they looked absolutely disgusting dealing with but yet i think love is a dirty word (: i sit here typing this and i really starve in my tummy. i think i'm going to get food... instant noodles will do. oh yesterday i did wrestle Justin. In a couple of moves i finished him off. He was lying at the end of the bed for a long time. And kill joy, suddenly a quite amazing channel 8 movie screened and he continued lying in that position for an hour plus or so. anyway we all had a great zone f service today. it was cool having livefeed and this time with the stage, we could see every single face in the crowd. I could feel happines irrupt and fill up my heart as i screened the crowd. It was sweet... i'm absolutely making no sense.. but so you know, i'm in love with weekends... with friday nights, saturday nights and sleepless sunday nights. alright, go back to school tomorrow and make the best out of your time there. Nadine joined Animal Welfare Society! One meeting fortnightly. I love it. That's Nadine for you... Somehow, you could differentiate real from the fake. I've seen people say what they don't and do what they don't want. Crazy... Hahhs... it's awesome, VJC and forever the way she is, down to earth, real, honest and very transparent... She said she's a rare minority there. I gladly believe her. I'm so sure if she joins some big time cca, she will be up there... But because she didn't it is beautiful. Come on she did that before... I'm quite sick of ppl going back to school and spiral downwards and close up in their own world.... plastic... living on reputation, feeding on an image... i so dislike you being unreal and i will never phantom what goes through your mind hahhs!!! hahhs she happened to be the last person to sms me. Wah... we have a great team of people serving God here in the zone. Argh, we've been talking about relationships in zone f service recently and personally i've been so blessed myself. As a matter of fact, the people around you make you. Last weekend we see zone f sending their torches to soulish peer relationships. Today, it was mentorship and it was amazing too... To me, it's insane not telling Dom, Charleston and Psts about my life. Not a chore, not obligated... just you see, we are friends. Friends being friends, you naturally open up your mouth and words flow out of it... My leader, my friend. Hahhs wisdom is a principal thing. You get wisdom from some forms of relationship. People around you make you... at the end of the day, it's all about trust... You trust me, you do what i say even if you don't understand. Hahhs. I can do that (: How about you man? My heart goes out to you February 22, 2008 Sup Everybody and How Are You? Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 11:48 PM i've noticed that i aways start my smses, conversations and whatsoever with a rather ridiculous "hahhs" which i have no clue where i got that typography from. Nonetheless, i think it sounds cool and it's quite essential for bridging my greetings and my meaty topic. So i think i cannot kick this out of my vocabulary and it's highly plausible that i'll remain one of life's classics to me. i love fridays because i start the day with drums lesson and i end the day having a picture of how the service the next day and the day after would be. I'm still so excited each week for services after 7 years in church and i hope it isn't a sign of religiosity! I really am looking forward to tomorrow's service, the people, the Presence of God and the Word. I hope you are too friends and i look forward to see you guys each week man (: Recently i fancy my britrock stuff all over again. I've gone back to my roots (: It's just random but then i thought i'd mention it anyway. Oh! And the best think is that Hillsongs drummer! Paul 'Maybury?'.... He's so good (: But then, i'd prefer to be just like Charleston. Sorry PM. Hmmm, so what about Jay Chou? My beautiful cousin will ask... I pretty much still enjoy him. Afterall i grew up listening to quite some chinese music before i totally moved out living with grandma. That was when my uncles got me boy bands and i self experimented hard rock and metal. So really, i like Jay, i like Pete Doherty without the drugs and with Babyshambles, I like Delirious? and i like Joe Pringle, Joel Houston. I like Bono, I like The Edge, I like these people. It's music and it ain't a subject of conviction (: Muahaha I've got nut craze. I already love cashew nuts but recently it all came back to me. I find myself devouring nuts at such a fast capacity i shock myself when i finish a pack in less then 5 mins. But it yearn cool... So much craze lately that i cannot even remember what i did on a regular day. On tuesday i played soccer for like the rarest of times. It was resurrection of interest and i thought i had it all in the hat. Crap, i almost raptured my muscles after playing ball. That's how pathetic a state i am in physically, i think i'm going to fail my NAPFA badly. I just came home after dinner with some people at my dad's place. It was a funny idea to go there for dinner but then i thought there wouldn't have been a better place for them to enjoy themselves than to be there together. My dad is my hero and i absolutely will introduce my dad to anyone who wants to meet him! Hahhs... He just did something sweet for me and Justin and it's amazing. Nadine couldn't bring herself to taste frogs. Honestly, perhaps it's really quite tough. It's not even frog legs but the entire frog! Besides the point, Dad brought black pepper frog back home for Justin and specially for him. Wah..... *Jealousy sinks in! But nevermind i had my share and as the eldest son, 'wah piangz' i'm on the receiving end so much more. I just gave me money to go collect my specs tomorrow so i won't be itching in my eye from contact lenses tomorrow!!! Wah and i love my family, Brenda is going to collect the specs for me and pass me in church! Muahaha... Her meeting only starts at 2pm while mine at 11am. So thanks sister.... if you read this, i doubt you do. Ain't it amazing a year ago none of them were here and this close and just a year later now, my entire family is in church. My Dad My Dad is next and i so am going to win this tug of war. As i type thing i remembered a few months ago, i wrote this card to him thanking him for all he has done for me in my life... bringing parcels and gifts home everyday for me when i was a little young boy, giving me a room so big with so many beds i can decide which to sleep on, giving me a garden i can play soccer with undoubtedly only myself, but also, giving me the experience of the life time to learn how to abase. showing me what is hardwork and tenacity. standing firm and stubborn to truth and conviction. My Dad, my Role Model (: Once he gets saved, i think God, you can take me home! hahahahah kidding. :p Oh Justin is cute... He bought PSP slim with his ang pao money and he's so generous i think it almost belongs to Elgin now. Hahahahaha! It's a brother thing man... A male thing... We pass stuff around in ownership anonymity. My shirt becomes everyone's shirt after some time. But i like the way it is. And i just got my sister coming into my room asking Elgin how she looks in her dress. My goodness...... So much for sibling rivalry ain't it? Guess who's prettier :p Alright... that's about it. Church has been fun and amazing. After reorg we'll eradicate baggage and more into the thousands. We'll be so much tighter as a unit. So much more precise, so less erraneousness. It's going to be so cool (: Alright, i'm going to wrestle Justin since he's lying on Elgin's bed unaware, talking to himself. And Dad just asked for help for his email... Elgin flew out to attend to him. Alright, if Justin looks hurt tomorrow, you knoy why ;) I might have got his legs tied over his head and i'll tickle him until he absolutely giggle air and no volume. Alright, time for action. Pray for him... Tribulation is common living with Ivan Poh. That's the way it is (: We have alot of fun over here. Hope you're doing well at home too. Spend time home. I'm outta here. gdnight & gdbye (: February 18, 2008 we just about rocket off Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 11:34 PM there are times when things seem to perniciously slip out of our hands. but these times are about a jet rocket taking off. today, we had f zone mtg and we kind of tied down alot of stuff for the rest 3/4 of the year. it was surely motivating, inspiring for me. drive is one thing but when an external source does something to you that wrecks you totally, you know that's something to remember. we're all about growth, focus, building, army, pray, blah blah blah now and i really think people are going to rise. i was reading and i was awestruck by how people see the ministry. everything rises and falls on leadership and today Dominic told me it's really all about us... about me (: humbled but then proud in every sense. Apostle Paul instructs Titus to appoint leaders in every 'city', not every church. He didn't mention church in the bible. Not every city in a nation had a church! The assumption was to send a leader into a nation, into a particular city, create a church and transform the place. This was the kind of leadership in the olden times. It is impressive to just know this fact. God has left us in whatever place we are in with the same purpose; TO TRANSFORM IT! A leader must must be reputable (: Take care of character, God will take care of your reputation. So because of good character you have good reputation and like Titus, an entire city was entrust to his command. He was obedient to Paul's instructions man. And here's another thing... A leader has only as much authority as the people he or se leads are willing to give him or her. We believe in not irritating people! hahhs! It can't be just be initiating to talk to you or your leaders doing that right? Or even someone of influence and authority from another zone??? 2 hands to clap... How many times have we watched movies when there's mutiny in the troops? Led by this one guy... and in the end everyone turn against him... ahahahahaha Hmmm... i was just thinking... If we're submitted to authority, we are empowered. And it's something that we all need to have in our lives. It's an amazing empowerment. Personally, i feel free, i feel liberty, i feel autonomy to do what i do in my zone, i can run with a clear mind because i know Charleston, Dominic, Pastor Lia and Pastor How knows every single think about me.... what's on my mind, who i talk to, who i.... why i.... how i.... And i really really thought of it and i believe that it's because of this healthy strong relationship i have with them that empowers me to run so so fast. Thoughts like their too busy should never come into the mind you know? When you think like this, then there's something really wrong. We have to mature in our thinking (: I have the luxury to do so much stuff and alot of people in church, dominic, charleston, garrett, myself, roy, jian ming, etc etc grow so so fast because we have this form of insightful relationship with people around us! So it made us.. and it really did. I wanna be made
T3 20 to 30 Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 1:50 AM alright, i'd been in church all week and right now i'm the next 1 second to knocking off. i feel so satisfied doing what i did this entire week and i'm truly happy, i think i can knock out in peace (: though i had been in church all week, services however were never quite the same compared to the weekdays in church. oopps, my itunes just played jay chou, let me switch it away (: to joe pringle! back to what i was saying... yesterday we had a great service and pastor preached about love expressingly and surprisingly. it's amazing the way he says it all. i'm so proud to be pastored by this man! today we had zone f service and for the first in quite some time now, i was doing the thing. it was quite fun, i had to get back into the momentum of things and at first it was rusty, it was cranky but then after a while i was swimming fine we had a great great service and the anointing and presence of God was just RIGHT there! we have so many things installed for zone f. i was talking to dominic and we just settling alot of the zone f stuff and it's really quite exciting discussing and settling everything. tomorrow i'll be @ T3 just settling and putting everything down with the man - Dominic. b zone was at T3 today and i tell you we had fun! all of us devoured popeye's chicken as if we were refugees who haven't ate for a long time. it was also so good to see so many old faces back with us and i absolutely loved being there with the people. afterwards we headed to this really cool bowl-water-whatever-you-call-it thing. we tried dumping people in... we started with boxue... we went on to nicholas tan, kenn lam, yeah they joined us... we attempted kinonn and we almost soaked leonard's head into the thing. screams and laughters were not surprising, we attracted quite a crowd... they stared and i thought they'd wonder why we were enjoying ourselves so much (: well, because we're b zone and it's just fun being b zone. we talked, we ate and we founded a new sisterhood. Nelson Leong is officially a sister. and this thing is quite cosmopolitan... it's complicated, funny and quite lame but cool. bing rong has a new name that i gave him... he'll soon be in the sisterhood after popularity! give it up for RONG RONG (: yeah so they're cool. there's so so so much more that i can tell you. you know i'm excited and i am. i cannot sleep a night not thinking about them these days... i think it pays to be focussed. not listless, there and there when i'm there. come on, i'm just a 19 year old and what do you expect of me? i very much have your thoughts and your worries... i think i think about stuff you think about and whatever bothers you kind of will bother me i suppose? but then i've learnt, to compartmentalize thoughts. chuck some of them aside for storage for a time... chuck some off the shelves for a while... examine some now... take the next group up and fever the emotions attached to it and then make decisions. i think it is easy... it can be fulfilled. i'm not naturally a very focussed person... i'm like me.. look at me... hahhs can't focus as a kid... crap, short attention span... not even aware of the slightest things around me. so yeah, if i have hope, you too man... i'm sure i am worse! and really! being focus also means to be very real. i can't possibly tell you how much i hate this unreal thing about people. what i see must be what i get.. you tell me and you tell me.. not tell someone to tell me. kind of like a false impression or a find out 2 perspective when you do this sort of thing. it's really quite irritating... the most funny thing is that when people wrap themselves up in this focus cocoon, they seem to shy away from things... they seem to seem alot and very very complicated and dark. It's like 'i'm in control... and i know what you're thinking...' what is this? some sort of universal consciousness thing? hahhs haiya... i think focus is excitement. focus is honesty. focus is opening up your mouth and saying how you feel. when you do all these, nothing stands in the way that will potentially rob your focus. i keep my focus through accountability and transparency. i keep my focus chucking things aside too. i keep my focus by engaging everything around me. i've seen Pastors and Charleston do it and i'm amazed back then and even now when i'm like that, i'm still amazed... i know a thousand confirmations that some people here are focussed because they're really excited and happy. As a matter of fact, sinfei has like thing after thing to do hahhs! and it seems like it never ends but then she's happy, and that makes her look forward to the next and the next and the next. focus is joy. the joy of the Lord is my strength. focus is my strength. i feel stronger when i'm focussed. that's it... a thousand moments i feel like doing many things i feel like doing. but we can put it off for a while you know :p next week is going to be such a week! the calendar is out and we're all excited... meetings, outings, this and that... new stuff we're trying! hahhs! next week, we'll look forward to the week after, and the week after. it's too precious to lose that's why we're planning it so early and tightly! it's going to be fun especially with all of you doing it together. just one more thing. it's ironic, i can't wait for army... not that i want to go off but i can't wait and help to imagine what we'll be like by then! muahahah! it's going to be amazing (: so much stronger, so much healthier, so much spiritual... as i take this few months to build and have fun! it's also a count down to army! oh man, i'm one depressed soul! just kidding. (: they say it's normal... they say it's what we have to go through. we'll become real man! hahhs... i don't quite understand you know? i just know now, that i'll go do my time, tough or not, just do my time... whether i fall into the real man category or not.... at the end of army, i earn the right to say... "HEY RECRUIT! IT'S NORMAL! IT MAKES YOU A REAL MAN!" Muahahahaha.... funny ain't it. i think it's because it's all designed to make you understand and appreciate life alittle more. no doubt i will and i have no where to run. we'll think about army and medical sometime later... i'll take it off the shelves soon! crap, i'm scared of this doctor, check up set up man... it scares me freaky. check pulse, do scans... wah... phobia ha... we'll see i'll be looking for you in church with some kind of army experience real soon huh... muahahaha! we men in green to be or already is, i think you identify with this feeling! it's the worst i've felt in 19 years. again... we'll see!!! February 16, 2008 Mr Police Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 1:56 AM a couple of us went to my dad's place for dinner! argh... it was vegetarian and it was good. (: 2 underaged girls came and tried purchasing cigarettes at the counter... hahhs of course, my aunt declined and joked about it... they were quite 'sian' about it! my aunt then gave them an idea to get someone older to purchase it for them... HAIZ! soon, they turned to Sean Ethan and he was stunned... He looked at me, as for Jian Ming, he did so too. I just shook my head! I think it was because i didn't like the 2 girls :p hahhs also the cigarettes la. they were super rude and i disliked it moreover, nah, i'll never put myself on the line to do something like this. we must integrity people! hahhs... exciting oh somehow some policemen came. they approached us, perhaps because we were the only few teenagers around! But it was A OK. they taught we were bad guys... haiz... we looked bad LARH... I do think i look bad but then... tsk tsk we're so good man. :p oh and i got an idea being there tonight. i'm going to bring people there to have dinner!!! muahahahahaha (: walamak.... cannot already... we must start averaging 100 ah b zone!!! cannot already!!! i've so much plans and this sunday you'll know!!! muahahahaha! up the gears, turn it on man... it's so tempting to just forget what i'm doing and then just 'chiong' events! BUT... hahahahaha i think i will continue just sowing and building the next level of leaders up. I was talking to Pastor Lia... i asked her if she needed anything from down church because i was getting my juice. ahaha she joked about wanting 5 cgls! Alright man... (: Mr Police can be CGL too... somehow i feel like i have so so much time. i finished all my books already! gonna embark on a new one tomorrow (: and time to stock up more man, it's thin on the shelves..... haiz i had an amazing week. tuesday was great wednesday was even better!!!!!! we had 9.5 hours of meeting non stop (: thursday was preparation for weekend today was clearing my emails to 0. i'm excited for next week. argh... (: FOCUS & PRAY & GROW FOCUS & PRAY & GROW i've so much to tell you, maybe next time (: pls if you can, try reading 'the little red book of wisdom' - mark demoss it's quite cool February 14, 2008 preoccupied and really happy (: Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 10:39 PM i've never felt this way for a long-short time. muahaha this felt quite familiar man especially when zone f was peaking and going pass a 100... i just got home not very long ago and i'm really hungry and sleepy! (: felt like i just came home from school! muahaha yeah that feeling man... i kinda miss it you know! oh oh oh!!! let me tell you something amazing. Joanne, Cheryl, Nadine, Wei Ling and Sinfei are AMAY---- SSSSS---ING. I can't tell you how excited i am just being around them. And Jomain .... ah! try doing what she did. Ever had the feeling the more you do something the happier and more sharp you get? hahhs yeah do it with the 5 of them. it's been cool... far too cool.... we're focussed on the goal and not swaying away anytime soon (: i love it the way it is now. everything! watch us double... ha February 11, 2008 never had someone wrote something that messed me up so much Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 6:32 PM today i read 3 books. i slept alot too. i was reading and i knew somehow today i'll get something out of all i read. it was a beautiful crescendo of revelation. after book 3 i felt i run right into God's arms. it was a night a planning; last night i'd geared myself up, stiffened my wings, erase the wry off my countenance i could remember how i fell asleep quite vividly. on the ground, hugging, twirling and adjusting my blanket over and over again. i was playing hide and seek, with the air around me. it was quite fun, in the darkness of the night, to try to flip every side of the blanket around and make sure i'm secluded around the constraints of my tiny bed. i looked like an overgrown little boy on a little boy's bed. And i know i've seen myself somewhere... as if through the eyes of an angel by the corner of the room. i kind of know how i look when doing what i do. it's funny... long before, i fell asleep. and i could feel the delicate creatures come closer around me just to be sure i was sound in sleep. i woke up this morning, and i peeped through the little hole my blanket and pillow formed. i saw Elgin and that we was getting ready to leave. it was just a few seconds later, i felt as if a hand threw me back unto the bed. hahaha and i dreamt a funny dream (: you'll laugh hearing it but it's fun. i jumped right out of my bed... i reached for my phone, confirmed every meeting possible. took out my piece of paper and did whatever it told me to do. the paper was lord for a moment because i gave it power with ink. so i read and i read in my solitary company and the 3rd Book had been the most amazing (: "O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," Even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You. Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God! Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men. For they speak against You wickedly; Your enemies take Your name in vain. Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting." - David goodness, my eyes are set on the Big Man. man, you do know my every thought don't You??? i had wrestle my dad unto the bed in teasing fun before and when i come to You, i will do the same. embarassing man... You comprehend me! You know my thoughts from afar! You know my frame in secret! The worse thing is that, You know me touched and broken... Then You know me energized and ready to conquer.... You know what motivates me.... You know my softness then a second later my aroused anger.... You know me logical and You know me unconditional... Awwwww... to another being, it'll be so embarassing... but well... this is my utmost embarassment with You and i'm proud about it (: And this is everything i love about You my God. You are just wonderful to me. I'd just needed this monday (: Yeah... like what David said in this beautiful Psalm 139 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. it is high... i cannot attain it (: i'm so flattered this is how much You love me I love You I love you too GOD LOVES YOU 'PSALM 139' MUCH February 10, 2008 just something quite interesting Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 4:43 AM this past 3 days has been the most wild of days i had in like for 2 to 3 years? or perhaps it was the most wild cny i ever spent... it was crazy, it was fun and i am quite satisfied having did all that i did these 3 days. see, i'm not someone would will go play and go crazy for long hours but this 3 days had been special. i've been reading U2 by U2 this few days and i tell you it's quite a book. the more i read the more i like Bono and The Edge. oh man, come to think about how once i wanted to be a star... muahahaha CUTE i know. but it's cool knowing what these people think man. anyway here's something that Bono said... he believes every rockstar has something missing about them. an area of their life. that is why they turn rockstar in search to balance out that area of their lives. some write songs about missing mothers, some write songs about hating fathers. so it's quite a thing you know. he mentioned that he only feels normal when 70 000 fans chant his name. if not he feels something amiss. he calls it the God-Shaped Hole. he says everyone has one... just some darker and just some wider. it's a Hole that longs for attention, love, desire by another human or humans... longing for a feeling of wantedness, a feeling that someone is actually checking you out, looking at you, looking up to you, wanting to be just like you, saying things about you to other people close to you. it's quite funny... he talked about that sense of abandonment that you get when the above isn't fulfilled. he used these words to describe it... "cut adrift of space and time". muahahaha. rockstars and their thing. they are actually magnified versions of ordinary lives. actually we all quite feel like that too (: tomorrow is the 4th day of cny and i'm going to sleep in... and pry myself up only for the evening's zone reunion and the cousin house visitation. it's going to be fun. and i don't know how things worked out... i find that i'm around ppl would i never thought i would hang out with you know. hahhs but then it's cool and very fun. also the combination of ppl hanging out together is quite funny too. yeah i just didn't think that they all know each other. (: cny does does its wonders ain't it? i'm going to find out why and how it all links!!!! muahahahahaha alright man, off to sleep and tomorrow i'm gonna read U2 all day (: after cny, i've like tons of things to do (: and i'm so going to do it well.... i'm rested, raring to go, energized over australia and cny... muahahahahahaha i've got my pitstop.... now enough of thinking and reflecting. i'm off and running and it won't be too fast i get a pitstop. until then it'll just be plain simple, plain do lor, plain just do, plain stuff.. and it's going to be fun again.. routines, i love routines. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want 3 more CGLs! tsk tsk tsk... we're going to grow... and i love the prospect of turning something around... quite fun (: hehehehehehehehe 160 120 1000 me you and every other force. perhaps it's good we remain like that for some time (: i do my thing. you do your thing. we bulldoze whatever that's infront of us. we focus, we give our all, we bring in tenacity and perseverance. we adopt healthy habits... and we build our relationship on the run (: alright... i'm on this now this is the beauty of ministry the more you do it, the more addicted you get and the stronger your relationship with whoever you are connected to (: phew... what a break i had (: WHAT A BREAK... never had a break like this before... MISSION ENGAGED February 8, 2008 social dyn or a couple of messed up humans errors Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 12:55 PM yesterday was kinda fun this year's cny, i did mininal visitation, touched minimal oranges and received quite mininal red packets. it's a diff year... a rat year with many things just coming and flying pass just at the blink of an eye.while the good thing is that in the midst of some real crap, i get perspective (: and i seriously think, or stubbornly suppose and remain the way i am, that in the midst of shaking hands and all that you do to show your respect, fillial piety, honor, whatever... deep down i think some people don't really care. someone whom i don't remember seeing me grow up... maybe just the features i did but then the inside and spirit, the airwaves i received from them kind of toppled me over man. people can be quite irritating sometimes provided they do some crap like this. i want to be just like him (: moving on, i caught kungfu dunk... hahhs i enjoyed the movie and it was real huge a group of ppl that came... what like 33 so it was hard but then it was cool... sometimes such stuff's quite cool ain't it.then we went walking the streets... and ended up jumping around at taka and finally ktv. repulsive, sweet, lovely and every vocab possible i could search and identify one incident for you. because i thought i thought and i thought and i guess i really slept at 8am plus. humans being humans, they do identify between right or wrong. but then there's the no right no wrong that i picked up last night (: just seeing ppl respond to those stuff hugely surprise me.is to be very accountable to one or a few ppl. in my case, i have 3 and sometimes 4. you do something and you feel bad... moments later, you think it's okay. justification... yucks... deception i suppose.i quite hard complications.. i really do. i'm born alot more inclined to feel than many ppl... alot more inclined to think, ponder..okay, i can't save myself now... yeah a lot more complicated but than it's been all nurtured now. i know my boundaries and as far as i'm concern, each time i will turn and run a mile back if i find my mind justifying what i've done. i just really want to say... stay simple get a gripget a safety net in the form of accountability hahhs... messed up my sleep. but i guess it's worth it huh....social dynamics? crap sometimes ppl actually don't intend what you think they intend and try to put across to you.i figured not so much ppl use so much brains when they are around each other. they kind of be themselves.so maybe we all just think too much.... and honestly i think we can really think too much. sometimes, fall into communicative dysfunction. haiz... (: i'll only try to comprehend God's beautiful creation even more (: i'll only love them more each time.at the end of the day, or rather my start... you know, i laid down on my bed... thinking... then i found myself summoning hope. and for a moment, the hs caught me and said.... hope for? and hope in what? you just want the feeling of hope and assurance... and you craft it yourself but saying a few words, closing your eyes and holding your hands together. hahhs. problem solve? solution given? hahhs what crap hah.... hah.... hah....it disturbs me to see people the way they are sometimes... justifying and falling into deception because of self then i realize... God is God and i'm not... i'm man. i can only see a part of the picture He's painting. February 7, 2008 try missing out on the point Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 3:00 AM sup everybody... i had a great day. it's 3am now and i just ended my own private movie screening here at my place. just me, my bro and lixing. we watched 'We Were Soldiers'. oh crap... it's one of the best shows i've watched ever. la drang, the valley of death in vietnam. 13th Nov and for 3 days the american soldiers fought there. they were surrounded, very surrounded. i thought they had lost the war man. in the face of death, american colonel moore just led the troops and made on last charge. it was their twist of fate. it was crazy man. plenty of quotes inspired me. plenty of scenes did too. it was beautiful man... a colored guy got shot, and this other white guy remembered what his general told him that no one would be left behind... he went back and picked his colored friend up. he died trying to save his friend. and this was the same guy, who before the war spent 1 year with his wife in south africa running and building an orphanage. before he went to the battlefield he said something like "God has a plan for my life. I want to help orphans. Not make any..." Awww... he did die, and he did make orphans. but it was beautiful... and yeah right, colonel moore was first on the battlefield and last to leave. " I can't promise you that I will bring you all home alive. But this I swear, before you and before Almighty God, that when we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead or alive, we will all come home together. So help me, God." i tell you, i'll fight for a colonel like that. this he said to jack's wife. (guy who picked up his colored friend and died) "Dear Barbra, I have no words to express to you my sadness at the loss of Jack. The world is a lesser place without him. But I know he is with God and the angels and I know even Heaven is improved by his presence there. I know you too are sure of this and yet this knowledge can't diminish his loss and your grief. With abiding respect and affection, Hal Moore. " argh... before he led his men to war. he prayed and he prayed. "Our Father in Heaven, before we go into battle, every soldier among us will approach you each in his own way. Our enemies too, according to their own understanding, will ask for protection and for victory. And so, we bow before your infinite wisdom. We offer our prayers as best we can. I pray you watch over the young Jack Geoghegan. That I lead into battle. You use me as your instrument in this awful hell of war to watch over them. Especially if they're men like this one beside me, deserving of a future in your blessing and goodwill. Amen." really, i'll fight for a colonel like that. sometimes it's quite beyond what we fight for. it becomes who we fight with. many people haven't even got the first thing right and that's why they'll never enjoy running their christian walk with the people around them. i don't know... i really don't. i think it's beyond love, beyond presence of God, beyond all these simple enjoyment and consumer products i call them. there has to be depth and conviction and i prayed so hard that everyone has this 2 things. not just the presence of God, holy spirit and happy church. got to have a revelation of the Cross, of the love of God, of the Father's heart, of what He actually did for all of us on the Cross. After a while, the Cross' story becomes a scam because of its repetition. but we have to open our eyes so wide now. The Cross is THE CROSS! it's not what you just simply turn away from... simply give up and adopt a new way of life. not something so cheap as to suddenly calculate your costs and feel like a farmer not getting anything out of his field. argh.. it's just more than what people think this whole thing is about. if it's so simple as the presence of God and the holy spirit... i tell you, then we've missed the whole point. i'll go to the extend to say, i don't even think i'll be here. there's so much more... and to let go is cheap... to let go shows that you've not understood what you've got yourself into. you never really figured out what kind of a God you worship. just angry and also happy with and for people... today i was just chatting with lixing and we went through a list of names that were with us for sometime but since jolted out of the race. crap, one actually knew too much... what i call politik... sometimes ppl know too well what we'll do. i'm sure ppl know very well what i'll do when this and that happens. well, that's playing a game if they do think that way. but for me, i'm in no games... i actually know this person, totally secluded after deciding not to carry on. every changed and there's not a way to her. it was like a change of identity. it was plastic.. it was fake... it was horrible... it was bad right next, i kind of anticipated it. i kept hearing what this person did and blah blah blah crap... very much a 180 degree person from the one i knew so yeah ppl miss the point. and they do miss it big time. so i think before we really think of anything else.. we got to have some depth and some convictions in place. i believe in.... i believe in so and so... i believe in what.... i believe that like i've said so many times, someday we all have to fill in our blanks. i hoped someone else could convenient do my convictions for me but i guess that's very impossible. Depth & Conviction... we can never live life being quite so volatile. Pst Simon Mcintyre says,"there's only one church". yeah! there's only one church. one destiny. one relationship with God. and i don't quite intend to let anything break this up. depth and conviction speaks a little bit of loyalty sometimes (: down and out? up and running? whatever... you'll still here... be still here... always still here... well i guess the beginnings of leadership is the beginnings of bigness. smallness will separate, quite visibly. it just a season we're entering into.... it's a cutting down so that we grow more. it's a separation so that we grow more. many many tests... many many hurdles. we just have to say "i'm still here... i'm still here.." "permission to recover to the frontline colonel" (: Hahhs. i love it... Carry me to the shoreline Bury me in the sand Walk me across the water And maybe you'll understand Once the stone You're crawling under Is lifted off your shoulders Once the cloud that's raining Over your head disappears The noise that you'll hear Is the crashing down of hollow years it's quite time to let hollow years go. we'd better get some substance (: February 4, 2008 combination Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 9:16 AM yesterday and today, been good, felt really accomplished because we did many things in a span of 2 to 3 days. we visited 2 great churches, shopped, ate, fellowshipped with each other a little bit. daniel was saying the same thing too. we really had a great time. at times, quite tiring though but then fulfilling and never disappointing. here you see Hillsongs' Auditorium  it's really huge... just perhaps a little smaller than the EXPO. it was professional, tight, back to back, hyped up, exciting, very mtv generation. what you see here is a picture during the worship. they actually had people gathered up the front like a mosh pit then when praise and worship ends they go back to their sits. this new worship leader that i've never seen before is really anointed. besides, her voice is amazing. being singaporeans we cannot help but sit down and talk about what we've just experienced. many opinions, many thoughts, many 'here's what we can learn from them' and 'here's what we are good at'. it was good, we actually came to a conclusion. it would be amazing to be both Hillsongs and CCC combined. Professionalism + Family = _______ i think the bigger we grow, the bigger the challenge to keep it like a family. as a matter of fact, we've all learnt that as the church grows bigger, it must feel smaller. i thought about it and BINGO! when we are as big as Hillsongs... we will be CCC's family, home feeling... we'll super cgls... tight, strong, wise, know what to do, bull-dozer, driven, self-motivated... with a big church, we need a big and strong solid ground. been just talking to Psts lately and they also shared the same thing with me. when we're in the thousands, we need more pastors, more operation heads, whatever you call them BUT we need power cgls. yes.. not cgls but power cgls. then we really can be hillsongs and ccc combined. band of brothers... not just army, not just brothers. army and brotherhood, sisterhood and family. argh... Hillsongs is amazing in the sense they have all the tiny details in place. bus services, connect groups, everything is in place.... in place... in place... super administrative... every level is tight. i can't wait to become like that too. also ccc's presence is phew... the warmth and substance in preaching. really... if we have both, it's going to be awesome. COME ON.... I PRAY FOR POWER CGLS. We kind of nailed a new term here. February 2, 2008 Christian City Church! Oh My Gosh.... Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 11:29 PM  this is Christian City Church...
yesterday and today, we were there for the Awakening Conference. it was amazing... the speakers were great as well as the worship we got to see Joel Houston, Joe Pringle & Brooke Fraser who sang Hosanna. also we met Pst Josh Kelsey who is coming to our church in a few months time. we spoke with Joe Pringle, Pst Chris Pringle and the 2nd in command @ CCC Pst Simon Mcintyre. we were so close to speaking with Pst Phil. it was awesome these people, just our childhood idols and role models. oh! and we say legendary Jeff Crabtree. hahhs... he's a funny man... we also bump into Pst Mike Kelsey. it's been a good trip for us so far and personally, i'm just so excited. let me tell you something... hoGc ain't bad compared to CCC, we're almost there if not there with them. just a little bit more... we're good we're good... so pls be proud of your home church.  speaking about homechurch, yes.. i kind of miss Heart of God Church. this is perhaps the 3rd time i missed service back home, once sick as a new christian, the other when i was here in sydney as well with my family and of course now. i can't wait to be back but i don't want to leave this place. this picture's just the main auditorium... they had LED panels up and separated!!! we could do this one day. anyway upload photos when i'm home. just so blessed to be there @ CCC... Pst Phil Pringle is simply awesome. the place is beautiful. a beautiful church backdropped with the colorful sky. i kinda saw a pink sky for the first time... never when i was in Australia for the last few visits and i visit Aus almost every year last time! so it's quite amazing... pink sky... pinky sky... TOMORROW HILLSONGS!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I tried uploading a video i got... but took super long. i needa sleep... do it another time. oh wait... Heart of God Church is still the BEST. Really...
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