In the Bedroom after the War
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January 30, 2008
time with the most impt ppl in my life down under Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 11:42 PM i woke up from my sleep like i've to catch my breath on the surface. i was submerge in light all night long and somehow i just woke up like that. lyn's asleep and Pastors too. We had an early night... we had a great time, now waiting for daniel's and charleston's arrival. so here is where i am, lying head up right beside the television. the television and lyn's bed, that's where i am and i reached for my laptop to catch up with what's happening back home. i don't think i need anymore sleep, at least i don't think... i just thought, i'd better just get an entry and then go back off to sleep but then longer i stay awake the more things i feel like doing. it's 1217am singapore and 317am aussie. in a few hours daniel and charleston will come knocking on our doors. as i type this, the outside life captured my attention. the harbour looked beautiful. the city lights silhouetted the entire harbour. it's a beautiful sight. only the glass window separates me from the night sky. and looking at everything outside, i know tomorrow will be even better. 29th Jan i woke up with only 2 things on my mind. 1) get to the airport on time 2) what will pastors think of that i will not my flight was at 905am, gates open 805am... gotta check in early like around 645am. got to the airport at 530am and got everything settled! and i waited for pastors to come. they've worked so hard for like since march last year and we were all looking forward to resting and i'd just got to make it a pleasant trip you know!!! we touched down in sydney about 8plus pm and the day was gone. everything closes and ppl go into their homes latest by 5 to 6pm over here so yeah... we did minimal, got to the hotel and later Pastor How and i went to hunt for supper. Darling Harbour, the place that we're at... I realized, i've been here before. But just that i didn't explore it enough, it felt like my first time here and it really did. It's beautiful in the night here... even as i type this i look out of the window and it still seem pretty much like a happening city down there now with all the lights. It's just pretty, being here looking over... 30th Jan i woke up and i didn't know how i did. We slept late and we are 3 hours ahead over here... Lyn got up to and in the end we just sat on the sofa stoning the life out of each other. later we decided we should do something exciting and i don't know how exciting this gets, we watched Bon Jovi and Jay Chou DVD. it was hilarious... Bon Jovi was upright cool in your face. Couldn't deny that... Jay Chou was still a little new, still having a hard time entertaining the crowd but he was still good. I like him i do i do. But Bon Jovi? hands down.. when the clock hit 6 i pulled over my jacket, adjusted my cap and i was on the streets alone. the cafes were already open so early. So i was strolling, enjoying, there was definitely something different about that way i walked. i'd looked over into the cafe, smile at people, greet them, jay walk a little. it was cool ... i got to Coles, your giant giant supermarket and did grocery shopping alone. it was so cool... i can only describe this to you in person... i just took stuff off the shelves as if i knew what i was doing... i didn't actually so you know in the end, i had to take a cab back to the hotel. then here the best part, arranging everything in your refrigerator!!! satisfied... closed it was inevitable, i fell asleep again. by the time i woke up, pastors were awake and we went hang out by the harbour. we found paradise in the form of a food court just opposite our hotel. it's amazing.... the food.. then later that day, Pastor How and i took a trip down to Coles again and this time, i was with the pro. And i just learnt so much... back to the hotel, did what we had to do... cook and experimented some stuff. Got the internet up and running... watched a movie and we were off to bed. TOMORROW WE HIT THE STREETS FOR SHOPPING. Well, this is what i called an ideal holiday. Plenty of time with the most impt ppl in your life. Plenty of time alone. Plenty of walk and less talk. Plenty of sounds and music, smiles and chill out. I wished you were here :) while i detox, you detox too... when i'm back, muahahaha we'll go and we will go... build build and build. that's all for now, photos? another time :) rest well too... January 28, 2008 the first in a very long time Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 9:59 AM AH! Crap... it has been such a long time since i felt i had nothing to do. Woah, and i tell you it is an AMAZING feeling! Okay now! Chinese New Year is right around the corner... yeah, a blind corner. I don't even really know what is going to happen. I think i'll just wait and be shocked, surprise and whatever you call that.. And this AMAZING feeling starts now... i'm like sitting here in class, with only a couple of classmates around, looking over blogs, talking to people that i've never spoken to for a long time. I'm staring at my nicely arranged gadgets right beside my laptop, on top of my book, peeping if any of my classmate's looking at me and catching my breathe as i see " so and so..... is writing a message" reoccuring in my msn window chat. I'm like picking up my phone, pressing that 2 same button that locks and unlocks your phone in hope that i get some smses on a schooling monday. This particular monday felt a littttttttttttttttttle bit still than usual. I'm here picturing in my mind what people are doing, how they're looking like on a monday morning, what some of my classmates are doing at the break, what is going to happen in australia, how the people will walk into church later today... How's that person feeling? What will they do next? Have they even thought about it yet? Do they even know it's human to carry through and make sure something is done? So fast, so many in my subway of thoughts. And i can go on and on and on... Oh and i just heard a giggling that sounded very much like one of you.. if not some of you... I had 2 friends telling me things that i've never heard them say for this entire term. One of my classmates, amazing guy, works with Apple... just came up and told me very bluntly that he'll miss me. You know bluntly? With foul language... Hahhs... i was quite shocked. You know i thought, he was just my partner in crime in class, joker in the classroom. But thank God, guess something touched him. He says he'll visit me near my home and pass me stuff that he owes me, gotta keep in contact so on and so forth. Another girl just told me she visited us at henderson before. Apparently she was from Yuhua Secondary and she can only remember Bryan Yee and Zhou Xin Yi. Had a good talk, told her they are still here... how we've moved from henderson to singpost and you know, acting very religious.... trying to remember who she was.. I couldn't because she only visited us like once or twice and back then me being me, you don't expect me to do much or know much. I was pure blur... But yeah, last day of school for me. January 26, 2008 Saving Our Own Private Ryans Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 1:08 AM today had been a day with a bittersweet aftertaste. but you know, you kinda determine more bitter or sweet. really. last night before i went to bed i watched 'Saving Private Ryan' it was all good man just that i was falling asleep very quickly. i didn't finish it, nor will i finish it in australia... i think i'll just read and i'd lent it to someone it was beautiful just watching troops fighting for a cause. i like that :) run with all their might fight with all they've got well it was a joke... 3 companies miscommunicated and ended up at the same place there was no direction... just a on rushing death tally. people were dying just like that, no one knew how to fight well because they miscommunicated... somehow when i taught they were doomed... some guy took the lead man turned it around... won a strategic battle and held down that strategic base. AWESOME. i think people can turn things around... with 2 qualities 1) if they want to 2) if they really want to i don't think it's enough if you want to. really. it takes a lot more out of a person. i think we all just have to live life to the fullest.... see, even if you doubt me. listen.. if this God thing is a scam, in the end, you still become a better player in the game of life going through this supposedly scam lifestyle... so, you win and you only will win. just got to want it and really want it. so why not you take take up responsibility and put some things into place? yeah i think you should :) i guess those troops trapped didn't have a choice did they? and come to think about it we have all the liberty to choose... saving private ryan was good... but they'd been forced, there was no way out and they overcame. well good. what if there had been many retreat routes present? only SOME will stay behind and make a difference. so i quite believe in this... not forcing people but giving them the direct opposite. give them every chance and route of escape and retreat... because when it's over and when it's over... those we're with, are those who made a decision to pay the price of responsibility. everyday will end with that same bittersweet aftertaste. you lament of some things you hope to have done better you smile about some things you just could not have done better. but even you know it was past tense. run the full mileage run this race in such a way you will win it my life my responsibility off the subject today i thought i started the day sweeter and ended it sweeter 2 good friends made it sweet 1 dropped me an sms the night before another knew me too well, what i was thinking and feeling it was quite funny... but then again, goodnight and goodbye Australia Here I Come Tuesday Tuesday 9am :) January 24, 2008 the little things Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 10:34 PM I just got back from my secondary school's secondary 1 orientation camp and 2 things... Firstly, I really did looked forward to typing this because i'd almost screamed and tore down people in the camp. I was only there for a short time but in this short time, people managed to have stirred up my sense of justice. I took the usual bus 806 to northbrooks, walked the very familiar arc path leading to the main gate. It's different now, i was greeted by the security guard. The first thing i saw was the basketball court and i have so much impressions of this particular game ground. It was the place i fell in love with basketball, the place where i'd given everything for my most loved sport. I can remember it was the place my coached reprimanded me for bad performance, yeah... the same small corner. I remember the net that i tried so hard to reach last time. For a moment, it felt uneasy looking at that place so i quickly went away. It was a shock for me all over again. The way teachers talk, the way the npcc leader spoke. Awww... it was totally demeaning and i'd fell in love with every single one of this sec 1s at the camp fire. I felt so challenged to pick up the mic and run the thing myself... and if only i could i would. Now i kinda know why i had a problem with authority in the past. I thought it had to be me hating being talked down upon. Hahhs, just another sweet childhood story to hear ain't it? Yeah very well... you're right. But i tell you, over my dead body will i allow anyone to talk down to zone f youths. It means so so much to me. It is so amazingly seeing them smile, seeing them cry, seeing them angry. It's so sweet... Then after a while, i left in a hurry. Oh, but it was no hurry. I just wanted to visit the basketball court again. This time i was on court. Woooo.... amazing. But yeah man, i've moved on in life. Hahhs... Secondly, just today O level results were released. Some did well but some didn't do very well. I was happy for some, very happy for some but i was also broken with some. Talking to them, listening to their painful reason just make me love what i do even more. Did well they have did well. Not do well they have not do well. At the end of the day, they still remain the heroes that i know. Nadine, Sinfei, Gong Hua and Cheryl Chan... Awwww.... They're still the same amazing them. It has always been about the little little things that builds someone up. January 22, 2008 this is one post, a love post Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 9:37 AM Ignite conference was great especially because ny gen was with us and the always amazing Pastor Joakim. It has been 3 days just hanging out with Pastor How, Pastor Lia, Pastor Joakim, Ny Gen ppl and some other psts and it has been amazing. I've picked up so much from the minds of these people, and i need a day down to put things into my mind's cabinet. I had a great monday this week, i slept and i had sometime doing my mind's work, though i need more. I think Ikea is amazing, i had a short rout in that place just imagining what my room will be like after i come back from australia... i know it's going to be sweet Right after Ikea, i headed for Borders. I was excited really, just can't wait to get my hands on a couple of books i wanted so long. But my excitement was hijacked first thing when i enquired about 3 of the books i wanted... Argh, they don't have it there at Borders. I guess i'd to do it online or something. Nevertheless i bought 'Flags of Our Fathers'; that picture you see in the last post. And in there somewhere talks about an inspiring, love, military tragic something like saving Private Ryan. To cut the long story short, it has to do with some soldiers embarking on a special mission and how they got into unexpected circumstances. Well, the best part is what happened and then how they go out of it. What i saw next was the DVD of Saving Private Ryan. Crap, i thought i just had to purchase it. I did eventually, i was just so excited... I have it now lying on my shelf, waiting while i also wait to view it. It's just going to be a short wait, i'll watch it on the plane on tuesday. I can't wait... this is one love story. Not romantic but nonetheless, it triggers something to go off in your heart. Later, i went to the Epicenter. Just got some stuff and headed to Cine, then to Far East and then back to Cine. It was alright though... i had guilo and tal watching over my shoulders the whole time, they anticipated my moves. Though they had no clue what i was thinking about, they were sensitive, really sensitive just letting Hosanna Hosanna Hosanna in the Highest go on and on. Met up with Sky, Evelyn, Samantha and almost with Jamie, Sam Teo & Huimin. Bumped into Cherie and Felicia. Hahhs... Mum has been showing me some things lately and it's been a long time since i bought her something so i got a bag for her. It was lovely to see the expression on her face when she received it. My mum is beautiful. Oh... we watched a rather cool and uncool movie. it was cruel, brutal love. For some reasons we abandoned the show. One of them being our tormenting bellies. They were really calling out for food!!! Sky drove us to Yishun for Nasi Lemak. It was funny during that time, it was the usual laughter and chill out. It was just sweet to conclude the day in that fashion. I went home, i went home and i went home. With many things racing through my mind, i took out my Bible and read and really read it. The commentary, the study notes, the references and the conclusion. Whatever you call them... Those Words, they halved time everything so nicely... I took a glance wayward. Elgin was still awake.. And it was 330am and my last thought had been... "i love ev-vary bit of my life." Then, I smiled myself to sleep. Thank You :) Thank You :) Thank You :) This is one post, a love post. January 18, 2008 i have no title Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 1:20 AM  "Five Marines and a Navy hospital corpsman raise the flag on Mount Suribachi, Iwo Jima, using a piece of Japanese pipe as a mast, February 23, 1945. Three of the flag raisers were later killed as the fighting raged on. By March 16, when Iwo Jima was declared secured, 6,821 Americans and 21,000 Japanese (the entire force) had died. The flag raising photo and subsequent statue came to symbolize being a Marine. " i feel like fighting a war now. actually i want to fight a war... i want to hear war cries. i want to see victories and defeats. i want to see wounded and i want to see whole. i want to see heroes and i want to expect the unexpected. i want to see people coming of age and people tumbling down. i want to see the weak become weaker. i want to see the strong become stronger. i want to scream at the top of my voice. as a matter of fact, i'm screaming inside already; every cell, every ounce of my being. i do believe that war will bring peace. very much true in the 4th dimension. i think war will bring the best out of you and me. thus we must keep warring. hahahahahhaa ain't it good you are here or there not here nor there? with or without pro or against dead or alive wah, life will be so much easier :) thank God for war. Don't get me wrong... not the disruption of peace but the ability to fight. and to think we war not in flesh.. but in spirit against principalities and powers. what if i can't war? i'll stand looking at someone beat a minor up. i'll stand looking at someone putting down the weak. so don't you also think war is good? i've realised too emo people usually don't stand any ground... while we fight our wars, they cry by their walls. keep on going keep on going... it'll be 2020 and they'll still only be interested in their bucket of tears. sometimes war wakes us all up. we really have to keep to it, keep praying, keep going, keep struggling like your eastern soldier's honor. Crazy but sweet. sometimes war is also about sacrifice :) let's sacrifice, let's obey and let's give. we will build a world class church, in a first world nation with a first class spiritual atmosphere. war starts now January 16, 2008 don't say she is adorable Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 2:20 AM i don't know what you call that? maybe love at first sight well, she's everything i thought was gorgeous and i just couldn't get my eyes off her the more i looked at her, the more i thought i'd never seen one as beautiful as her let me introduce you to my family's new hamster. YES! Crap... what hamster! Fam, you shouldn't have brought a hamster home. bring a cat, i don't like it but at least it's better. you see, i have bad experiences. nasty. let's not talk about it. it's top top secret. as far as i'm concerned, we couldn't rub off. i tried charming you, tried teasing you a little bit, i knew you had fun.... BUT!!!! when i thought you were different, you lost yourself doing a spiderman with your cage. crap you! you scared me to death... i knew you loved me but keep your infatuation down dumb hamster, stop trying to get out of the cage for me. it's not worth it, you'll get yourself killed. i love you, stay inside... i was about to give you a chance dumb hamster but i guess you ruined it. now you'll never have me... never! i'm walking out. that's it! is this some kind of reality tv or what??? you showed your true self tonight dumb yuki... after all you're just masked up in beauty. i dislike you! i totally dislike hamsters... and especially this one by the dumb name of yuki!!! booohooo... now i'll never overcome my phobia. argh... you... you.... i was 5 feet off the ground when you left me tumbling down. no love... no love at all hamster. now i will plan your exit from my house. soon, your extermination. evil laughters.... i hate hamsters. i hate anything like crazy tails, 4 legged, furry and rat lookalike. whatever you call them, i hate them! oh man, now i can't sleep.... argh "love your neighbor as yourself" what if my neighbor is an animal??? January 14, 2008 once upon a time in a suburb far far away Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 2:00 AM my neighborhood days and my neighborhood dreams. i think your real world ain't anything like mine! whatever you watch on television, they seem out of reach, you can only go on a fantasy ride up hollywood and get hit back by reality when you mum screams,"go and bathe la!". so soon, you're back to our suburb commodity. but it's still quite cool... i'd prefer this thank God i had both but i think i'm still neighborhood born and bred. always and never want to not be... in my little comfort, i rouletted through my television just hoping i could settle on one channel but to my dismay, at such a time 212am, nothing on screen is good enough. That's when i turned on my music player and i had Hard-Fi travelling through those speakers. Then all of the sudden, things came into perspective. The lyrics seem to tear down every possible 'on-sale' lifestyle you can see on screen. It was clear cut down to earth and i liked it. i very much liked it. so now and then i will take a ride up memory & fantasy lane but then i'll be back... it's sunday nights and you get this sort of impulses. but just so also that when i look back, i know that this is everything i wanted and everything i would have laid my life down for all over aday. Just week in week out, thinking about the same old thing, preoccupied with the same old sentiments. It really is back to my bedroom after the war... looking at what's around me, regaining my perspective and also faith for tomorrow. I just know, tomorrow is going to be a great day. A real day, with problems.. :) perhaps challenges but it is beautiful. The victory to life lies in being real, confrontational if there's such a word. It's really plain real building a church with Pastors :) Plain real, we have our cravings for Heroes, chicken wings and even beef horfuns. As a matter of fact it's an understatement, we do really have lots of craving. I crave one day i can walk down the streets of Prague and Milan. I love what i'm doing and i love everything that is part of it... the people, the love, the bubble world and even the set backs. I love it real you see. I will go there someday surely but not now... be real, not now, i'm still inadequate. So this is what i mean, the one thing i admire most about Pastor How and Pastor Lia is their ability to be plain down to earth. Charleston? plain humble... Dominic? plain in your face... They give us ordinary people an alternative path being their ordinary selves and doing the magnitude they are doing!!! I totally admire them... We're very much like all of them :) Just that..... i think they are a little more proud about who they are. That's your homey version of the word magnanimous.. There's hope whether you're just another kid in the block looking to play or a princely kid with a butler to pay. There is hope people. heaven and earth born and bred. paradoxically but you get what i mean. anyway, had dinner with Pastor Shearer and Sister Doreen today, just so impacted and enlarged by them. Tell you more when i can... January 11, 2008 tell me you'd never seen this Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 1:11 AM  fella, now that you're here, tell me, exactly how i should have done?my first and my small little firsts. If you were in my position what would you have done? i was young and i cannot imagine that i'm 19 now. have you ever looked at pictures and inflict memories? very much like this one that i have... back then somehow, in the smallness, i knew there was them and me potentially. I'm intrigued by the smallness. i love the sweetness but i hate the smallness that promises the sweetness. Somehow one day we all have to let it go in search for bigger things. This is B Zone.. This is F2.. Oh well... Let's now forget about that guy who didn't say hi. forget about that girl would looked right through you. don't be too big a leader you miss the sweetness of labor. don't be too small a leader you miss the destiny of God. Well, it's all about the person doing it... actually not very much the timing. so you know, we are important, we are crucial. at the end of the race, i am from men, for men and by God. doesn't matter what i do, it's me. right now, i'm just doing my fair share during my time, being all that i am. yes, and finally my family joins me, where i am going :)  it's all down to the human being. don't talk to me about complications. life is easy. January 8, 2008 thrrrr..reee weeks to goodbye Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 2:29 AM 1 week of intense project meetings... 1 week of evaluation and presentation... 1 week of kill time lessons... then 1 time kiss goodbye i'll say a sweet vehement goodbye i promise! hahhs kidding... i'll never return to that place... i hope at least not for any administration. i'm so looking to 6 crazy months before army. i love this feeling. i'd love this long ago. to be able to look back and say, you finished something and you did it well. oh... please finish something well... hahhs! alright, b zone is amazing. 150 200 350 450 1500 Hebs 5 to 6 okay okay.... i'm coming i'm coming my bed wants me on it goodnight and goodbye January 6, 2008 my not so big a problem Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 2:01 AM many of my friends have done their enlistment medical and the results have been amazing! PES D, they call it. A glimmer of hope i suppose for many. Well, not for some such as Mr Calvin Lee who wants a PES A and Officer Course. He's awesome, great friend, great buddy but then i still think he's ABIT nuts, out of his mind. alright, i have a slight problem. HEHE they have murmur, they have asthma, they have back problem and they have a twice fractured arm. Well, for me... the only think i can think about is perhaps i'm narcissistic. Perhaps they'll give me a PES C for that.... HAHA AHHA! And then, i got my miracle in school. I think school is crap. I hope you think so too because then we're friends.. :) See, they say we'll not going to make it, but then we are. Then they stand waiting for you at the finish line cheering you on as if they never once tried disqualifying you... Muahaha... I love this Come hit me lecturer :) Hehehe! Well, at the end of the day... our God reigns... Phew :) Then back to the fam... They've been great. My fam is awesome; as always. See, i'm living the dream. I'm serving God with people i grew up beating toes with. It's amazing because it's always going to be hard to have your big brother as a leader... It'll be funny for me too but i don't care :) It's all going well, that's all i really wanted to say... Hahhs. Now to the as important people... Charleston had a day locked up in camp answering phone. Argh! But i still did talk to him :) "Hello... Manpower branch" Hahhs I'll do that someday in the army....i suppose... i hope to... Dominic escape camp today... didn't you read the newspaper that F Zone's going to breakthrough 200 soon? No? Please buy the right newspaper - Dominic Times. He is awesome, living in his own times... running in a league of his own. Hey slow down a little... i look stupid trying to catch up and puffing my oxygen away. :) Garrett? What to say the man is THE MAN. I'm not talking about him... not not.... Cannot talk about him.... he's too divine. GTRT (YHWH?) :P There comes a time i'd to say... I love her I love her I love her YET I love him I love him I love him My Pastors... You ain't gonna die without meeting them first. That's it. and what about my new indian neighbour??? WAIT, i SMELL something fishy... they'll hack into my blog if i do write anything about them! Who i know who are they? They may be cyphers... They're weird... cyphers can't be decyphered. What are they doing in the unit next to mine??? The mystery unfolds soon..... so you know, i'm a little high today... just a little bit... January 2, 2008 2ND JANUARY 2008 Ivan 'Vern' Poh from URL @ 1:09 AM 1ST Jan is the day we all sleep and tame the hangover and never a day we really remember other than when the clock hits 12. Time can be quite a factor in these situations sometimes... Now we're one day after the new year and before school starts. How cruel can time get? We were enjoying and now we're all lamenting.... "Crap! You, me and everybody! Crap!!!" See... now i can't sleep and i'm typing rubbish... Mum's watching tv in my room, brother's sleeping... I want to sleep but Ivan wants to do something exciting. I feel Ivan took over my body. Hahhs.. But seriously... thank God for time! Without it, i think there'll be no element of excitement and surprise. Thank God for after it, because we'll have much more excitements and surprises waiting for us... 07 is gone! I'll never forget 07... By the will of God in time we'll be in 09. thank God for sweetness in our everyday lives... more in 08! That's time for you... created first thing by God Very much the thing we all can't beat. Very much the difference we all see. Happy New Year :)
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